Pantaloonia!

LORD JARRITOS calls for the distant SWORD MONKEY! Hearing that it's murderous services are required, the SWORD MONKEY nimbly dashes across the ruins and leaps onto LORD JARRITOS supersweet CANNON CHARIOT.   With its new simian crew member, the CANNON CHARIOT is more deadly than ever (+ 2 dice). However, LORD JARRITOS'S enemies have had time to regroup – in the field in front of him, he sees the strange SNAKE WOMAN march her troops out of the JUNGLE and into the FIELD, where they come face-to-face with the CANNIBALS. Just as it looks like the two groups will come to blows, the SNAKE WOMAN raises a HEART-SHAPED SCEPTER. There is a flash, and suddenly the GRAND MAN-EATER lowers his axes… and orders his men to join the SNAKE WOMAN. Suddenly, there is a thunderous roar to the right. THE STEVE – missing an arm and two legs – staggers around the corner. He is grievously wounded and beset on all sides by PANTALOONIANS… But the newly formed SERPENT-CANNIBAL COALITION is positioned a...

THE BLACK RUSSIAN doesn't have time to mince words. He shouts his warning to MASTER MENDICANT, and then wheels around and charges the CRUSADERS, waving for the KING OF STINGING LOBSTERS to flank them! His valiant steed leaps over the surprised heads of the ensorcled BLUE BASHERS and smashes into the unsuspecting CRUSADER CAVALRY! The crash of the impact rings across the battlefield! THE BLACK RUSSIAN is thrown from his horse! The CRUSADER KNIGHT flies backwards, armor shattering to pieces! The BLUE BASHERS finish him off before he can get to his feet… THE BLACK RUSSIAN leaps back onto his noble steed and takes stock of the situation. Behind him, the remaining CRUSADER KNIGHTS face off against – a SKELETON HORDE and some kind of MONSTROUS BUTLER? A cry rings out from the cliff above – SAMURAI SAM just made some CRUSADER SASHIMI with UTMOST PREJUDICE. The death of their comrade is so shockingly gruesome, the rest of the CRUSADER FOOTMEN… [*Cue morale rolls*] RUN AWAY SCREAMING....

LORD CITRUS SELTZER stops the ghost with a raised cross and a quick prayer to Saint Romanos the melodist. "Your story sounds a lot like one I've heard at the feet of Lord Margarita Shooter -- may he return victorious from his quest -- of a fey banjo master that has come to Pantaloonia's aid many a time. But I've also heard tell of this foe you speak of -- one who deeply resented his master, and coveted both his arts and his instrument. How do I know you're the one and not the other? You've set me up with a fine quick quest, just in my moment of highest need, playing straight to my pride as the victorious Lord of my people, swooping in to rescue this fiddlestick of yours and call in supernatural aid to my everlasting glory. But the Abbas of the holy mountain say that the demons work their deceit not by obvious lies but by cleverly concealing things. So if you want help from me you'll quit with the riddles and speak plainly. Better to be pressed for time and...

THE BLACK RUSSIAN orders his crew to climb the CLIFF and save the PRISONER… Then turns and charges the traitorous MERCENARY CAVALRYMAN before the turncoat can slay the unsuspecting MASTER MENDICANT, leader of the BEGGARS' GUILD! At the last moment, the traitorous MERCENARY sees THE BLACK RUSSIAN and parries the blow – the two are locked in combat, neither one able to gain the advantage. MASTER MENDICANT turns and gasps. The newly knighted SIR POOPSMITH STANK-SHOVEL, erstwhile leader of the PANTALOONIAN CHARGE, looks back in confusion. The TRAITOROUS MERCENARY realizes he has drawn too much attention – "I, er, um... THIS DIRTY NINJIRATE BETRAYED US! HE WAS TRYING TO KILL MASTER MENDICANT!" Before THE BLACK RUSSIAN can speak, a cry rings out from the CLIFF. His CREW have run into trouble! Is that – the PRISONER is trying to climb the TOWER and… MISTER BRICKMAN IS DOWN! Suddenly, a terrible explosion rings out – SHEIKAH KNIGHT, leader of the villainous MONKEY KILLERS, ...

LORD JARRITOS sets his sights on the GRAND MAN-EATER and lets fly! THE GRAND MAN EATER (with a very lucky roll) manages to dodge the deadly projectile! SHEIKAH KNIGHT, standing behind him, is not so fortunate… And so ends the villainous life of the lead MONKEY KILLER. He survived a heavy cavalry charge on MONASTERY ISLAND, but he could not survive the… CANNON CHARIOT.    The sound of applause rings out from the nearby RUINED TOWER. LORD JARRITOS takes stock of his surroundings… Terrible clanking and grinding noises from behind tell him that that the BUTLER and his SKELETONS cannot be far off. Just outside of the JUNGLE, the GRAND MAN-EATER, having cheated cannon-flavored death, is trying to regroup with the remaining CANNIBALS in the FIELD (and taking the enviable HELM OF ULTIMATE OVERCOMPENSATION with him). Ahead, at the South end of the JUNGLE, the MONSTROUS SERPENT WOMAN is regrouping her strangely dressed forces. Just around the corner, THE STEVE is beset by the main b...