Pantaloonia!

LORD JARRITOS DE TAMARINDO cautiously opens the BLUE DOOR and peers inside to see who is whispering the AKATHIST... A narrow tunnel leads deeper into darkness. In the center of the tunnel stands a SKELETON. As the door creaks open, the SKELETON turns and gasps. "A Pantaloonian? My prayers have been answered!" Before LORD JARRITOS can react to this strange discovery, he is interrupted by the sound of the castle gates grinding open. A cavalcade of footsteps ring out from up the stairs – it would seem a large number of people have entered the castle. After a moment's pause, the voice of the castle servant rings out: "Welcome, welcome! The Blue Bashers, you said? Any soldier of Pantaloonia is welcome at the master's table! Unfortunately, Lord Stephanus is out hunting at the moment, but he should be returning shortly. In the meantime, let me bring you drinks to wash the dust of the road from your throats." A bell rings. Somewhere in the darkness, the BROWN DOOR s...

Atop his Seat of Gubernatorial Judgment, LORD CITRUS SELTZER allocates West Luau's governmental wealth: Giving alms to the poor – 1 wealth.   Training a new AGENT and DIPLOMAT – 2 wealth.   Sending SMILING NATE to reestablish contact with the villages of CAPITAL PLAINS – free. Sending WHISTLING WENCESLAUS to protect NATE and try to intercept the spy hunter – free. Sending aid to the sacked villages – 8 wealth. Training a second militia squad – 5 wealth.   Building a watchtower on the Pantaloonian side of the Fnarp Bridge and garrisoning it – 5 wealth. ...Being a God-fearing ruler doing what's best for his people – priceless. And now, the results… FNARP TOWER is constructed without incident. SMILING NATE returns from his journey interesting news: Greetings, your Lordship. My mission was a success! I have reestablished contact with 4 villages in the CAPITAL PLAINS, greatly increasing our tax base. What's more, I uncovered rumors – Suddenly, WHISTLING WENCESLAUS stumbles int...

Channeling the spirit of his piratical ancestors, THE BLACK RUSSIAN breaks out influent pirate… "What crimes be ye talking of me hearties? Surely not the theft of this crusader horse I be ridin on, for that was perpetrated by none other than whom ye see here... CAPTAIN BLACKBEARD THE SLAV!" "Now I know my prisoner be wearin pants but what be so unseemly about him otherwise? This is the first time I've sailed these waters, and I be grateful if ye be sharin' what kinda deal ye have with yon crusaders anyhow" The Ninjirates gasp. "CAPTAIN BLACKBEARD THE SLAV?! Forgive us for our impudence, Captain! We thought ye died on Monastery Island!" "CAPTAIN TURNPIKE said ye were speared right off of yer crocodile by some Pantaloonian general named DAIQUIRI VON TROPICANA…" "That lying sea rat TURNPIKE must be angling to inherit yer seat on the COUNCIL! I always knew he was a rotten back-biter." "As for yer PRISONER… Far be it from me to ...

LORD JARRITOS DE TAMARINDO and his DAPPER SWORDSMAN take the opportunity to snoop around the castle and try to learn more about their MYSTERIOUS HOST... The personal chambers upstairs seem normal enough. There is a small a servant's room with a simple bed and rack of brooms and other butlery tools. Even the master's room is mundane: a fourposter bed, a closet with a spare set of clothes, and a reading lectern with a copy of A Military History of Pantaloonia. The most revealing item is the diploma from the Royal College of Pantaloonia that hangs on the wall, which states that Lord Stephanus Stephanov graduated magna cum laude 19 years ago, with a degree in Natural Philosophy, focusing on Botany. Everything seems perfectly ordinary, BUT when you touch the frame of the degree – (DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUN.) A secret panel in the wall slides open! Taking the candle from the dinner table, you investigate. A simple limestone staircase leads down into a deep cavern below the castle. The ...

LORD CITRUS SELTZER allocates West Luau's meager funds towards reconnaissance and infrastructure: The old spymaster is pulled out of retirement and instructed to train a pupil: A new AGENT is acquired! SMILING NATE Specialty: DISGUISE Survived Missions: 0 SMILING NATE is sent to perform general reconnaissance about the island, which is mostly unknown after 50 years of Crusader-induced chaos. Additionally, Lord Citrus orders the formation of a militia squad… A new MILITIA SQUAD is acquired! The BLUE BASHERS Equipment: SIMPLE The BLUE BASHERS are sent to bring 2 WEALTH of aid to the sacked villages in JUNGLE PROVINCE, with the promise of more on the way.   A month passes…   Monthly Financial Report Monthly taxes: 12 WEALTH is raised from CAPITAL and the surrounding province. Additionally, news of your RECENT VICTORY inspires a grateful populace to… (A quick roll on the recent victory table.) Donate 9 WEALTH! TREASURY TOTAL: 21 WEALTH Status of Missions The BLUE BASHERS have no...

THE BLACK RUSSIAN gives the slain duelists a Christian burial and then investigates the KILLER'S TRAIL… For many long and arduous miles, you trek through the jungle, following the faintest trail of cut vines and broken twigs. You cannot remember the last time you saw the sun. Finally, a minuscule clearing opens in front of you. It is the remains of a small camp. In the center is a dead sword monkey – slain by a single sword blow to the back. Scratched beside him is the same message as the previous victims: THERE IS ONLY ONE WHO IS BEST. Besides the message lays a shield emblazoned with a strange symbol… As you move to investigate, voices ring out from the surrounding canopy! "Returning to the scene of your crimes, fool?!" "Now you will pay for your madness!" 5 men rush into the clearing, weapons drawn – NINJIRATES! They freeze at the sight of your CRUSADER WARHORSE… "Blast your eyes, Crusader! Begone, and take your unseemly prisoner with you! The Admiral is...

 SIR EUGENE D'ARMAGNAC accepts his new SQUIRE and continues to HOSPITAL ABBEY… The monks toil for many days over the body of the UNCONSCIOUS CRUSADER. After the better part of a week, the CRUSADER finally regains consciousness. "You have saved my life, and for that, I shall be eternally in your debt," he gasps from his sick bed, "But I have taken a great oath of silence – I cannot tell you of Crusader plans. Name any other way that I may pay my debt, and I shall do it, but I cannot void my oath." What will SIR D'ARMAGNAC do? 1. You will serve as my SQUIRE for the rest of your life. 2. I release you from my custody – return to your own people, and tell them of Pantaloonia's mercy. 3. You will return with me to the CAPITAL to speak to LORD SELTZER. 4. You will become a monk and never again raise weapons against Pantaloonia. 5. Let's see how well you can keep your oath of silence after I force-feed you all of this laudanum...

LORD JARRITOS DE TAMARINDO accepts the invitation to DINNER and finds himself escorted to an ancient limestone castle deep in the JUNGLE, populated only by the lone SERVANT and a mysterious PANTALOONIAN LORD… His host identifies himself as COUNT STEPHANUS STEPHANOV, Pantaloonian Lord of JUNGLE PROVINCE. He apologizes for his failure to appear on the battlefield when the Knights fought against the Crusaders at FNARP BRIDGE – he was taken with a terrible illness for the last 6 months, and is only now regaining his strength. He promises his aid, both monetary and military, in the defense of West Luau. As he begins to explain the exact particulars of his promised support, the COUNT is suddenly taken by a terrible coughing fit. He staggers from the table, holding his hands over his face. "NO! NO!" He cries, "DO NOT! DO NOT LOOK! DO NOT FOLLOW!" Before LORD JARRITOS can do anything, the COUNT hurls himself out of the open window. Outside, LORD JARRITOS CAN hear the shouts...

First, let us all bow our heads in a moment of silence for the original version of this blog post, which blogger deleted with a single keypress and then immediately auto saved over… Alrighty! Time for some traveling!   The Knights set out on their personal quests! (*Cue traveling roll s.) Traveling is a difficult and time-consuming process in Pantaloonia. 1 turn traveling = roughly 1 month. (Complications and detours can add more time to process.) LORD CITRUS SELTZER LORD CITRUS SELTZER sets out for the CAPITAL with his loyal POOPSMITH (sporting a new Crusader AXE), the bulk of the captured WEALTH, and an escort of MOUNTAIN BANDITS.   He passes his traveling roll! LORD CITRUS SELTZER arrives at the CAPITAL with no complications. He can now engage in weighty matters of state. Let's see how everyone else does… LORD JARRITOS DE TAMARINDO LORD JARRITOS and his DAPPER SWORDSMAN set out for MINERTOWN, hoping to find a SKILLED MINER to excavate the CRYSTALLIZED DRAGON LASER they disc...