Pantaloonia!

LORD CITRUS SELTZER rushes to investigate the faintly schlorping WELL, concerned that some poor soul may be drowning in its mysterious depths. As he approaches with his volunteer army, the SCHLORPING grows in intensity and volume UNTIL SUDDENLY – SCHLOOOOOOOORRRP!!! AN ENORMOUS RED TENTACLE ERUPTS FROM THE WELL'S DEPTHS. The army gasps as the hideous monstrosity rears up two, three, FOUR STORIES TALL! THREAT LEVEL 10.   It scans the front line for a victim… (A quick, randomized selection is made and…) LORD CITRUS SELTZER. THE MONSTROUS CREATURE WRAPS ITSELF AROUND LORD CITRUS SELTZER – SEEKING TO DRAG HIM AND HIS STEED BACK INTO ITS WELL! LORD SELTZER (Threat Level 6, thanks to his trusty steed) ISN'T GOING TO TAKE THIS SITTING DOWN! (This is what a lucky roll looks like in Pantaloonia…) Despite being massively outclassed… LORD CITRUS SELTZER STRIKES A TREMENDOUS BLOW! HE SHEERS OFF THE END OF THE FOUL TENTACLE!   AND FORCES THE REMAINDER TO RETREAT BACK INTO ITS WATERY LAIR...

LORD JARRITOS edges his way down the narrow grass alley and inches around the back of the RUINS to get a better look at who the STYLITE is yelling at. His trusty DAPPER SWORDSMAN and FRIENDLY SKELETON follow closely behind, pulling the war band's newly acquired CANNON). With perfect stealth, LORD JARRITOS peers around the corner of the ancient structure and spots… CRUSADERS! It's a formidable RAIDING PARTY. LORD JARRITOS counts 3 fully armored MOUNTED KNIGHTS armed with lances, supported by a retinue of 3 helmeted CROSSBOWMEN and 3 unarmored PAGES carrying spare lances. With a stockpile of spare lances like this, the CRUSADER KNIGHTS could make numerous cavalry charges – shattering their lances for devastating attack bonuses (Melee Threat Level 7) and then returning to their PAGES to resupply and do it again. Their warhorses and heavy armor allow them to survive numerous would-be killing blows. The CROSSBOWMEN are similarly deadly. Their cross bows (Ranged Threat Level 6) may ...

THE BLACK RUSSIAN elects to investigate the STINKING SHACK and rides forward with his motley crew. AND MAKES A TERRIBLE DISCOVERY.   The Ninjirates gasp – FYODOR?! The decomposing body – clearly a day or more old – belongs to Fyodor 9 Fingers, one of the friendly Ninjirates that THE BLACK RUSSIAN had previously instructed to continue hunting the villainous and elusive MONKEY KILLER. From his wounds, it's clear that Fyodor was attacked by multiple assailants. If this is the work of the MONKEY KILLER, it would seem the lone wolf is now working with ACCOMPLICES… What's more, there's something odd about the body's pose… One hand points straight North. The other straight South. Was Fyodor trying to leave a message? …Or did his killers pose him after his death for their own nefarious purposes? THE BLACK RUSSIAN surveys his surroundings…   In front of him, the cobblestone road splits. One branch heads NORTH, between the KEEP and a CLIFFTOP TOWER. On the left of this path, a st...

LORD JARRITOS DE TAMARINDO has had perhaps the most strange and adventuresome entrance of all of the Knights of Pantaloonia… Invited to dinner Host leaps out a window Explore the vacated Castle Find a creepy labyrinth in the basement Hear the BLUE BASHERS welcomed into the Castle by the sketchy buckler Accosted by a TALKING SKELETON who begs you to follow him into the darkness before bad things happen… After securing PISTOLS and a CANNON from the suspicious labyrinth below the CASTLE, LORD JARRITOS follows the mysteriously friendly TALKING SKELETON up a winding set of stairs. With an agonizing creak, an ancient set of doors springs open – And LORD JARRITOS and company stumble out into the sunlight. Their exit appears to be camouflaged as some kind of ancient pagan TOMB. Beside their exit stands a crumbling limestone wall, topped by an OBELISK. Strange eye-like sigils are carved up and down its surface. In front of them, a great PYRAMID rises out of the jungle ground. Beyond the pyram...