Pantaloonia!

There are numerous tempting targets available, but LORD JARRITOS sets his sights on the most dire: THE STEVE. The cannon roars, and a HEAVY PIERCING SHOT flies straight into the lumbering beast! (With some lucky rolling) the beast's monstrous hide manages to deflect a killing blow, but the impact sends him staggering backwards – to the detriment of several CANNIBALS attempting to stand their ground…   And so ends the short and swingy life of CANNON CATCHER. KIELBASA THE GRAND MAN EATER takes a monstrous foot to the rear end. Continuing his series of death-defying rolls, the leader of the CANNIBALS manages to narrowly avoid death – But is thrown even further away from his (dwindling) allies, taking his enviable HELM OF ULTIMATE OVERCOMPENSATION with him. Seeing THE STEVE stagger around the edge of the KEEP with the FROZEN ANCIENT SOLDIER they covet (and wishing to avoid Pantaloonian cannon fire themselves), the CRUSADERS regroup and rush towards the back of the KEEP. "Fre...

Seeing that KLEOPANTSRA's war band is thrown into chaos, LORD CITRUS SELTZER turns his attentions to the PAGAN SHRINE. At his order, his troops quickly remove the SARCOPHAGUS… And stash it in the FARMHOUSE. Meanwhile, his trusty Squire, THE VILLAGE POOPSMITH, gallops to the WELL and tosses in a shovelful of the… fruits of his trade. (Like any self-respecting poopsmith, his saddle bags are always well-stocked in case of emergencies.) KLEOPANTSRA's war party stumbles out of the jungle in chaos and confusion – the SEVERED TENTACLE and PARASOL MAIDEN still battling atop the PALANQUIN with no clear victor… THE CANNIBAL WHO FELL FROM THE SKY staggers to his feet, groggily attempting to ascertain his location… From the North, cries and cannon fire echo across the towers and parapets of THE HOUSE OF THE BEAST. The wind howls across the BURIAL MOUND louder than ever. …And the well begins to shake. LORD CITRUS SELTZER takes stock of the situation about to unfold and plans his nex...

THE BLACK RUSSIAN briefly ponders whether this accidental political impetus will have negative consequences in the future before refocusing himself to the task at hand: Those mysterious strangers may be fellow Ninjirates! And possibly in chains… Rallying his forces, THE BLACK RUSSIAN re-mounts his horse and sets off towards the unknown group. It is a… complicated discovery. 3 fully armored Ninjirates hurry across the BURIAL MOUND, pushing what appears to be 2 peasants – bound and gagged – ahead of them. They halt when they see THE BLACK RUSSIAN and his crew. Their leader steps out…   "Blackbeard! I thought ye fell on thrice-accursed Monastery Island! Glad I be to see another who knows how to survive a Pantaloonian blade…" It couldn't be… SHEIKAH KNIGHT! (Threat Level 6 on his own – more than a match for any Pantaloonian Lord). The legendary Ninjirate Captain who single-handedly stood his ground against a heavy cavalry charge on MONASTERY ISLAND and escaped, swearing venge...

Confronted by the sudden appearance of KLEOPANTSRA the QUEEN OF SERPENTS, LORD CITRUS SELTZER forms a cunning plan! Taking his troops SOUTH, he skirts around the southern edge of the JUNGLE towards the PAGAN SHRINE, where he hopes to simultaneously rendezvous with the BLUE BASHERS and flank KLEOPANTSRA'S formation. Meanwhile, his trusty Squire, THE VILLAGE POOPSMITH, races towards the still-twitching SEVERED TENTACLE, skewers it on the end of the Battle Flag of West Luau, and (with expert aim honed by years of poopsmithing) – HURLS IT STRAIGHT INTO KLEOPANTSRA'S PALANQUIN! Kleopantsra's PARASOL MAIDEN hurls herself in the path of the cephalopodian projectile! The TENTACLE and the PARASOL wielding bodyguard wrestle atop the PALANQUIN, neither combatant managing to overthrow the other. Below, KLEOPANTSRA'S FORCES fall into confusion and disarray – her soldiers cannot reach the top of the embattled PALANQUIN! (Meanwhile, a SCREAMING MAN falls out of the sky, bounces with g...