Lord Citrus Seltzer Is Super Effective: House of the Beast 3

Confronted by the sudden appearance of KLEOPANTSRA the QUEEN OF SERPENTS, LORD CITRUS SELTZER forms a cunning plan!

Taking his troops SOUTH, he skirts around the southern edge of the JUNGLE towards the PAGAN SHRINE, where he hopes to simultaneously rendezvous with the BLUE BASHERS and flank KLEOPANTSRA'S formation.



Meanwhile, his trusty Squire, THE VILLAGE POOPSMITH, races towards the still-twitching SEVERED TENTACLE, skewers it on the end of the Battle Flag of West Luau, and (with expert aim honed by years of poopsmithing) –



HURLS IT STRAIGHT INTO KLEOPANTSRA'S PALANQUIN!



Kleopantsra's PARASOL MAIDEN hurls herself in the path of the cephalopodian projectile! The TENTACLE and the PARASOL wielding bodyguard wrestle atop the PALANQUIN, neither combatant managing to overthrow the other.



Below, KLEOPANTSRA'S FORCES fall into confusion and disarray – her soldiers cannot reach the top of the embattled PALANQUIN!



(Meanwhile, a SCREAMING MAN falls out of the sky, bounces with great force, and makes an unceremonious crash landing at the WELL. Life in Pantaloonia is strange.)



LORD CITRUS SELTZER rounds the southern edge of the JUNGLE and finds himself perfectly situated – not only is he flanking KLEOPANTSRA's forces, but his cunning tentacular attack has thrown his enemy into confusion and disarray.


HOWEVER, his attention is soon drawn elsewhere! At the PAGAN SHRINE, 2 blue-clad Pantaloonian soldiers stand guard – it is the BLUE BASHERS! (Or at least, a small detachment of them.) But the reunion is anything but pleasant!



"Defend the master. Defend the master. Will kill to defend the master."


The BLUE BASHER drones on incoherently, menacing his fellow Pantaloonians with his spear.

Suddenly, a blow from behind knocks him to the ground, unconscious.



The second BLUE BASHER steps from behind a pillar. He reaches for his blue cap and –




It's LORD SELTZER'S spy, WHISTLING WENCESLAUS, master of disguise!



"Sorry about the delay, my Lord. I've spent the better part of this week traveling disguised amongst the BLUE BASHERS – we've marched up and down West Luau like men possessed, mindlessly stealing all manner of strange artifact and ancient thingamajig. Whatever we took, we immediately brought back to this KEEP and delivered into the hands of a mysterious BUTLER. My fellow soldiers gave no more explanation for their actions than glassy stares and mindless mumbles about serving 'The Master.' I dared not ask any questions, lest they discover my perfidy. Surely, they are men ensorceled?"

"Our larcenies have grown ever more insane – 3 days ago we stole this SACRIFICIAL ALTAR from MOUNTAIN CANNIBALS who still pursue us. But the most troubling artifact is what was waiting here when we returned…"


WHISTLING WENCESLAUS walks past the SACRIFICIAL ALTER to a SARCOPHAGUS at the back of the PAGAN SHRINE. He pries the lid open with his spear. Inside is a moldering skeleton… wearing PROFESSORIAL PINCE NEZ GLASSES.



As LORD SELTZER takes in this troubling new discovery, a flutter of movement catches his eye – a group of MYSTERIOUS FIGURES is exiting the FARMHOUSE.




They enter the fenced in FARMYARD and then clamber over the back wall, disappearing behind the ancient BURIAL MOUND.




There are certainly many strange things going on at once.


What will LORD CITRUS SELTZER do?


1. Seize the advantage: charge KLEOPANTSRA the QUEEN OF SERPENTS' flank while she and her forces are in disarray.

2. Pour oil on the fire: order your MUSKETEERS to SHOOT into KLEOPANTSRA'S disordered troops – you may be able to spark a rout.

3. Hold the line: circle your troops and assume DEFENSIVE POSITIONS in the PAGAN SHRINE.

4. Upset some nefarious plans: STEAL the SARCOPHAGUS and move it to the FARMHOUSE. I don't know what they're doing, but that ought to mess things up.

5. Leave no stone unturned: follow the MYSTERIOUS FIGURES behind the BURIAL MOUND and see what they're up to.

6. Let's hear his story: secure the MAN WHO FELL FROM THE SKY and see what he can tell you.

Or make up your own crazy plan…

7. OTHER:_____________________

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